A Post-Christams Thought...

Firstly, a Big Fat Merry Christmas to everyone, I hope a good day was had by all.

Today, in Australia, it is Boxing Day (or as a Big W employee refers to it - National Refund Day). I found myself thinking what the hell it actually was and came across this information:

"The holiday's roots can be traced to Britain, where Boxing Day is also known as St. Stephen's Day. Reduced to the simplest essence, its origins are found in a long-ago practice of giving cash or durable goods to those of the lower classes. Gifts among equals were exchanged on or before Christmas Day, but beneficences to those less fortunate were bestowed the day after.

Although there is general agreement that the holiday is of British origin and it has to do with giving presents to the less fortunate, there is still dispute as to how the name came about or precisely what unequal relationship is being recognized.

Whichever theory one chooses to back, the one thread common to all is the theme of one-way provision to those not inhabiting the same social level. As mentioned previously, equals exchanged gifts on Christmas Day or before, but lessers (be they tradespeople, employees, servants, serfs, or the generic "poor") received their "boxes" on the day after. It is to be noted that the social superiors did not receive anything back from those they played Lord Bountiful to: a gift in return would have been seen as a presumptuous act of laying claim to equality, the very thing Boxing Day was an entrenched bastion against. Boxing Day was, after all, about preserving class lines." (Barbara Mikkelson. http://www.snopes.com/holidays/christmas/boxing.asp)

An interesting thought for those of us who have to work on Boxing Day.

The Silly Season

Hey Everyone, Tis' a couple of days before Christmas. In amongst all the bustling, being jolly, nut roasting and giving good tidings I was sent this email (cheers Ian) and just had to share it, Merry Christmas to all wherever you are.

Carols for The Disturbed...

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees with bows of holly
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town (to Get Me)...
7. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
8. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
10. Tourette Syndrome -- O Come All Ye Sh*t F*ck C*nt.

Welcome to the fiery pits of hell...

Hello to everyone overseas who is experiencing the extremities of climate change. Today in sunny Mayfield the temperature is pushing past 33.5 degrees: The bogans have torn their sleeves off their flannos, the locals are turning the council pool to a strangely pleasant pea-green colour and the magpies from Dangar Park are now sitting at the Beauford hotel attempting to purchase a schooner.

A short tour of New Caledonia

One of the many bays around the island

Part of the mountain ranges of New Caledonia.

View of the city from the main port.

And more photos...

Now where did I park the thing this time...

Native tongue...

Finally have the chance to start posting some of the photos from the cruise. (My Kingdom for a Broadband connection!) This is the first installment of many, but I thought I'd start off with something a little different to your normal holiday happy snaps.


Among the islands of greater Vanuatu the common dialect is known as Pidgeon English. Most of which is easy to decipher in that it often makes sense when read or spoken. This sign was at the front of The Office Pub in Port Vila, Vanuatu (one of our "Tastes of Vila" destinations).

Note the translation for anyone improperly dressed (speak slowly, you'll get the idea).

Don't vote for Howard - He wouldn't vote for you...

For those who don't know, on Tuesday this week (15/11) national protests were held over the Howard Government's "Rights at Work" reforms. More people attended marches across Australia than the peace marches of the Vietnam era. What was our Prime Minister's response to this - well, nothing. Nothing of any real substance at least.

My personal campaign is to convince everyone possible not to vote for the Howard government in the next election. This is the one government in Australian history that has successfully shafted everyone with an annual income less than 20k (apologies to those who do and still feel shafted but I am making sweeping generalisations). There is no more middle class - you either get by or are well off. Can any one else not see the problem with this? Our Universities are constantly under funded, as is the health system, greater education system, public transport and emergency services. This user pays system is measuring peoples worth on their financial position alone.

I could easily get carried away here, but I would like to leave you with this thought: Try and find one person that actually believes they're better off under this government, or will even admit to voting for him at the last election. John Howard is the man (If unfamiliar with this concept please refer to Jack Black's lesson in "School of Rock"), if you genuinely want a fair system for all - don't vote for Howard - he wouldn't vote for you.

I'll get off my soap-box now.

Missing Links Part II...

Hey All,

Finally got around to putting links on this page to other friends blogs, some who are overseas now and others who are about to go.


Here's to old times.

Cheers to you all.

The missing link...

I have decided to start posting my written works on another blog. If anyone is intersested you can find it at ...

http://anothercunninglinguist.blogspot.com

Cheers Everyone :)

Smells, Songs and Memories...

Here is a thought - Do you notice how memories are always so much more vivid when they are associated with the senses? Like the smell of the frying fat at the local fish and chip shop you went to when you were a kid, or those strange smelling seed pods that you used to pick off the tree in the front yard to peg at your little brother.

For me it is songs or music that can make a memory, just this afternoon I started to hum the tune to an old Custard song. This reminded me of when I first met Ness way back when... then you think, shit, that was over eight years ago.

And now, because I heard the damn song at least a dozen times, everytime I hear Icehouse's "Electric Blue" I think about the cruise. The memories are great but getting that song stuck in your head can piss you off.

Here's one for absent friends...

"I'm a 21st century digital doy..." - B.S.

Regards all.

Some more photos from the cruise...

"Let's go away for a while, you and I, to a strange and secret land..."

Weezer

Ness and I living it up in Ouvea

Ocean life at Wala

The magnificent coral reef at Wala

This shot is of the point where the ocean floor seems to drop away into nowhere (Wala)

More photos to follow...

If you can't get your act together just act like you've got it together.

"Why is there a Scenic Tours bus out the window?"

Firts day of the cruise, the first thing we spot out the porthole is a Scenic Tours bus (sorry, Phil - Coach)...

Amanda and Myself at the bar, funnily enough

View of Centrepoint from the rear deck of the Sun

[These are the 1st round of photos from the cruise, hope to put on more later.]

"When you haven't got anything good to say don't say anything at all, or furrow your brow and look like you're so deep in thought you appear intelligent rather than stupid" - Anon.

Cheery-O

A worthy first posting...

"Where's me Buccaneers -

On your Buckin' head."

It's October 30 and we've been back home for just on 24h now. For those who don't know, we've been cruising the south pacific oceans and islands for the past 11 days (with our friends Amanda and Ian).

Before I get to all that, I wish to give a belated shout out to everyone who wished me well and sent gifts on my birthday. Thank you all so much - it's nice to know, even half-way round the world, your good friends are still just that. Cheers All.

And now to the cool stuff...

October 19th (Day 1, Wednedsay)

We arrived in Sydney city around 1230, I of course was very chuffed that my birthday was about to be spent doing something I had never done before. Trained it to Wynyard station and as soon as we got to the main street we could see the Pacific Sun between the buildings. Walked down to the dock, did all the checking in/customs stuff and were all sitting at the Legends (Sports) Bar on the Pacific Sun with a drink in our hands by 1430.

The cabin we were staying in was E14, fairly close to the front of the vessel on the 7th deck. A total deck count of 13, with elevator access to 12. Check this link to see the ship...

http://www.pocruises.com.au/html/pacific_sun.cfm

Sailing out at 1630, we went under the bridge - which seemed like a tight squeeze - and out through the heads into open ocean. Despite taking sea-sickness tablets, Ness got sea sick - I went to the cabin to check if she was ok and in the 7 metre swells the sway and rock at the front of the boat sent me out of it as well. Needless to say we spent the rest of the night cabin bound (Discovered movie channels on TV in room, but nothing great on that day). Amanda who had sailed before was fine, but Ian (after dinner) started coming down too.

October 20 (Day 2, Thursday)

Amanda and Ness happily declared they found their sea-legs. Ian still felt queasy, and although my breakfast managed to stay down, I still couldn't manage to gain or retain any sense of balance yet.

Knowing that my birthday was carrying on for 11 days my mood was surprisingly good, so we all ate, drank and gambled our way through day 2 - the casino was quite cool (over 100 pokies, black jack/five and three card poker tables, roulette wheel and pontoon table).

No land in sight, ocean as far as the eye can see - quite a humbling experience to the first timer.

Went to the Bingo in the afternoon, the caller, Demo, is hilarious - always begins his jokes with, "...it's a true story". Favourite bingo call was, "69, any way you like it".

In bizarre mood this arvo, Ian and I, for no apparent reason, are walking around acting like pirates (or dickheads with dodgy pirate voices).

Arrgghhh, scrub the poop-deck, raise the missun-mast and where's me Buccaneers!

tonight's dinner was the formal Captain's Dinner, everyone dressed to the nines. Portrait photographers were everywhere. The atmosphere was fantastic, although I had difficulty standing up for more than 5 minutes at a time (still didn't have a good sense of balance). Dinner was beautiful, but really didn't eat much - still wasn't quite ready to enjoy it.

October 21 (Day 3, Friday)

Got my sea-legs - finally! All I could think about was food, really needed to refuel. Ate a large breakfast of bacon, eggs, toast and fruit.

To give you some idea of how much food you can consume on the ship: Breakfast was from 0700 to 1100, lunch from 1130 to 1500, afternoon tea from 1530 to 1600 and our dinner sitting was between 2030 and 2200. Dinner was five courses, the menu changed every night, and everything else was from a buffet - if you wanted to there was an a-la-carte breakfast if you could handle it after the night before's drinking setion. If that wasn't enough; there was a sushi bar, pizza shop, New Zealand Ice Cream bar, coffee and cake bar as well as The Outback Steakhouse menu.

After lunch Amanda, Ian and I went to a wine tasting and sampled some of the varieties on offer. This included an Astii and a real Chianti, I quite enjoyed the Chianti.

Ness went to the Bingo as we sampled the wines, which even though most think it's for 'oldies', was pretty fun. First drinks of the day also helped the frivolity factor. Ness couldn't get over the amount of cocktails - she endeavoured to try all of them on the list and was off to a flying start.

Played a bit of three card poker in the casino today too, felt like a high roller for all of 10 minutes.

Drank at every one of the bars today - oh yeah - couldn't wait for dinner. We all ate well that night and ended up kicking on into the wee hours of the morning.

October 22 (Day 4, Saturday)

We docked at the island of Noumea, New Caledonia early that morning. Finally get my sea-legs and have to adjust to land again. After breakfast we all went ashore to explore the city. It was kind of like if Mayfield was located where Newcastle is - if you can picture that. Even still, every one seemed quite friendly and the pace was that of a small country town.

The port area has a market area inside the main building, where in Australia you would have customs officers - here you had people selling local wares.

That afternoon was our bike trip. In a group of 8, Ness and I cycled our way round the coastline of Noumea. Passing all the apartments, some had yachts parked literally at their front door, and the marinas and beaches - the first view of the island was quite deceptive. My moment of the day was when I saw Ness nearly come off her bike - being concerned I've turned to see if she is ok, grabbed one brake (unfortunately the front brake) and went straight over the handle-bars landing flat on my arse with a mountain bike wrapped aroud me. And now I know what it's like to be a picasso. Although I sustained 5 nasty bruises on my leg I carried on through the rest of the ride. We rode a total of 12.8kms, which we thought was pretty reasonable until we realised how saddle sore our arses were after the ride. Oh well, managed to numb the pain with a few bevies, sigh.
Left Noumea around 1700, and watched the sun set behind the horizon. Even I never thought I'd say that a sunset could be so bloody beautiful, it was simply magic.

We carried the night on dancing, drinking and eating - again, but having an absolute ball. We were all in full swing party mode now (By the way, for the Novacastrians reading this, the DJ on the cruise ship was none other than Dean from Newcastle, you may remember him from such clubs as Fannys and The Castle back in the 'bad ol' days').

October 23 (Day 5, Sunday)

From our porthole we could see the magnificent island of Ouvea.

After a quick feed we donned our togs and hopped on the Tender across to the island (just under a 15 minute trip). This place was fantastic, the sand was literally white and the water crystal blue. Newcastle may have surf but has nothing on the sheer beauty of this island.

Most of the day was spent either in the water or on the beach, only really moving for the many re-coats of sunscreen. "Got any grease lunch-lady Dorris..." The water was almost warm close to the shoreline and as you moved out became cooler, it was unbelievably clear - no crap in the water at all. A touch of paradise - Damn you John Farnham!

Back on the boat around 1600 and the girls wanted to swim again, so we went up to the pool deck and Ian and I soaked up the rays and drinking Corona's as the girls swam. I realised I felt the most relaxed I had in quite a long time.

After another sumptuous dinner, saw Demo do stand-up in the Atlantis show lounge (a surprisingly large stage area with impressive lighting rig). Not bad at all, some old jokes, but the delivery was pretty good.

October 24 (Day 6, Monday)

All of us were awake to see us dock in the port of Vila, Vanuatu. The area was much more mountainous here, 12 volcano's in all - good thing that most are dormant.

Local markets and musicians were the first thing you saw as you got off the ship. I enjoyed the bass guitarists in these bands; plugging away on a string pulled tight from a broom handle to the soap box underneath - still they managed a decent tone. The markets here were much larger than at Noumea and as well as the local hand made crafts had a lot of commercial stuff like brand knock-off t-shirts and stubby holders.

Ness and I went on a guided trip that morning, Vila and Environs sight seeing. Our bus driver was Henry and the tour-guide Sam. We were told a lot about local history, culture and life along the way most of which was quite interesting (a little fact: Vila was occupied by both France and England and had 2 separate cultures during this time). We also met a tribal chief, in Vanuatu the chiefs play a major role in society having more power than most politicians.

We also found out today that Ian had finally proposed to Amanda and they are now officially engaged. He proposed at the picturesque cascade waterfalls with a beautifully romantic, "Oy, You...". A HUGE CONGRATS TO YOU BOTH, NESS AND I WISH YOU HAPPINESS, LUCK AND MANY YEARS TOGETHER.

After the guided tour it was duty free shopping time. The way into the city was via Taxi and all the drivers here are mad bastards as well, driving on the wrong side of the road did weird me out a bit. Amanda took us to the cheapest place in Vila where we all stocked up on assorted alcoholic goodies. In another place I managed to pick up a $150 pair of genuine Oakley Sunglasses for $30.

Quickly we jumped back on the boat, put all our purchases in the cabin, ate lunch and got back off the boat again in time for our Tastes of Vila Tour (loosely translates into pub crawl). We had Henry the driver again and he was everyone's best mate by the end of the crawl, as was our guide Helen. We went to 4 pubs across 2 hours, Trader Vic's being one, we sampled well the local "Tusker Beer" (tastes a bit like a Grolsch but a bit lighter)... by the end of the day we were speaking Pidgeon English (the native tongue) so the names of the pubs have slipped me. Wait, there was a Yacht Club in there somewhere. Let me end with we all had copious amounts of piss... uh, fun.

Back on the boat we kicked on once more. That night was island night, (the band that was playing, "Circus", was quite decent, guitarist pretty damn good actually) everyone wearing their grass skirts and coconut shell bra's - and that was just the blokes. Everyone was getting laid, no, layed... giving up now. You know what fun is in a conga line at midnight with a beer in one hand and trying not to fall over using the other.

[in case you haven't noticed, they have a theme night pretty much every night of the cruise]

As a side note this is a massive shout out to the champion of the cruise known to all as Nana Rose (Sylvia). This 84 year old lady, quite intelligent I might add, out danced most of her juniors well into the early hours of the morning. Often seen leaving a venue because "this music is too slow", this lady was also seen to get her hands on more young guys than most of the young verile females on the ship. Cheers Nana.

October 25 (Day 7, Tuesday)

The last of the islands, Wala. According to Sam this island is a better taste of the real Vanuatu.

Wala is surrounded by coral reefs and marine life, it is amazing that not more than 15 metres out from shore the ocean floor drops away into an abyss. Most people go to the island to snorkel, but there are local villages there as well. The native people are so friendly, the children put woven wreathes on your head as you walk along the beaches. A real reality check of what happiness means to people here, and for that matter myself.

We spent most of our time in the water again, although walking across the reef was difficult, the fish swimming around your feet was an eye opener for me. After a couple of hours in the water, we wandered the small markets before getting back on the Tender across to the ship. Before leaving, I sampled the local drink "Kava" which has the effect of a couple of cans of red bull but tastes like warm turnip soup. I decided to have a local Tusker beer, partly to remove the earlier taste plus a final opportunity to taste the local brew before 4 days of open ocean sailing home.

Checked out the on board Jazz band tonight, they played in The Smugglers Lounge, and I was so very impressed. Played a range of music from Santana to James Brown and even a bit of Hendrix - Tres Cool.

Of course we continued on through the night. And I should mention again that the food we have had has been absolutely beautiful. A different theme to the menu every night too.

October 26 (Day 8, Wednesday)

Keep thinking I'm on my way home, can't we turn around and head back to Vila? But we kick on any way, no need to worry when you can party.

Big breakfast again, decided to do the activities on offer today. Managed to do my first and only one-mile-run on the top deck track on the ship. Total of 11 laps and took about 17 minutes, not a record breaker but good exercise. The girls sat pool side and got some sun.

Spent the afternoon in the Atlantis show lounge today. Betted on the sea-horse racing - basically horse racing without actual horses. Stayed for the Bingo and the Trivia that was on straight after that. Good way to while away a relaxing afternoon.

Some of our party were a bit ill today though, apparently the Mexican lunch wasn't that good on the bowels. There's a Johnny Cash song in there somewhere but I'll refrain from the obvious.

Had dinner at the steak house tonight, also fantastic - surf 'n' turf was the shit. I also had the waitstaff sing a belated Happy Birthday to me and we ate Birthday Cake (the cake was organised for the first night but neither Ness or I could manage it then).

Tonight was Rock 'n' Roll night so after dinner we decided to check out the band Circus in The Terraces Lounge. They had a bit of a dance comp. which I steered clear of, however they also had another round of rock trivia - I answered one of the questions and ended up being dragged up on stage and doing a crazy impression of Elvis (I had to dance around with a blow-up guitar whilst lip-synching to Hound Dog). Very dodgy but fun, the dutch courage before hand helped. Having taken the stage, I felt that need and asked the keyboard player in Circus if I could join them for a song, so yours truly ended up fronting the band to sing a kickin' version of "Get Back". I did receive a respectable kudos from the 20 or so in the crowd.

I don't remember when I crawled into bed.

October 27 (Day 9, Thursday)

Today was a very lazy day, all a bit hung over from the night before. Had a nice greasy breakfast to kick the day off.

Spent the afternoon on the deck today sun baking and swimming. We all had American style hamburgers for lunch today (barbecued in front of you on the back deck of the boat - and right next to the bar, this is so hard to take, sigh).

Ian, Amanda and Myslef played bingo again today while Ness indulged and had a hot-stone massage in the Lotus Beauty Spa on deck 11 of the ship.

The final formal night was tonight.

Dinner was great, although by now this was no surprise to us. Tonight though was the night when the Kitchen staff, Chefs and Waiters are acknowledged for their service. The ships tradition is the Kitchies come out dancing around the tables carrying flaming pavlova like things (Baked Alaskas) and the patrons wave their napkins above their heads, a little bit bizarre but entertaining. Then the waiters all dance around to the chicken dance and everyone joins in, even I did, hmmm.

The other tradition of the night was the setting of the champagne fountain. 477 glasses in total taking about an hour to build - quite spectacular - good thing the ship wasn't rocking around to much that night or it all could have gone down hill very quickly. The most fun part of the evening is the attempt of the last remaining people in the room to drink the rest of the champagne, we all managed at least 7 each. Although Ness didn't drink the champagne she was still going strong in an attempt to try every cocktail.

Saw the sun rise this morning from the porthole of the cabin, only half awake at the time though, as Ian and Amanda stumbled in at 0715 after an all night session with the encourageable Todd.

October 28 (Day 10, Friday)

Pretty much the last day of the cruise today and all a little sad that its about to be over. We decide to make the most of it although by the time we got up the afternoon was nearly upon us.

Last Bingo of the cruise today, the reason why this is worthy of a mention is because the jackpot prize was worth $5800, unfortunately we did not share in any of the booty, arrgghh.

Although the funds are running low we all manage to have a fantastic day.

Dinner was beautiful again (I should have mentioned this earlier but we sat at a table of 10, all couples, and all of us had ties to Newcastle in one way or another. The conversations over dinner and company have been great, so here's a big shout out to Scotty and Kerry, Todd and Sharon and Scott and Karen. Good tiding to all and hope to see you again soon).

Tonight we finished dinner off with assorted coffees and the last of the birthday cake upstairs and said our final goodbyes.

October 29 (Day 11, Saturday)

Well, just to prove I'm not a morning person, I got up at 0430 today. All to see the sun rise and Sydney harbor on the way in throught the heads. Although I mumbled and grunted my way through most of the morning, it was worth the effort.

By 0800 we were docked again in Sydney Harbour - home again, well almost. Through customs around 0830 without much of a problem (except for the dismantling of one souvenier) and I can finally say I've seen my name on a white-board held by a driver. Not quite a limo, but our mini-bus transfer home was easier than a train ride especially with all the extra stuff we bought back. Left Sydney by 0930 and we were the last off in sunny Mayfield just after midday.

Sigh. The trip was just fuckin' amazing and I'd love to do it again.

Once I get my pics sorted I'll begin posting some of the choice moments.

Now all I have to do is get my land-legs back.

Hope you all enjoy this tale of Jimi and Co. sailing the South Pacific,

Cheers to you all.